The Waiting Game
February 26, 2015 · by Soul Diver · in stories of a soul diver. · Edit
Well, we’re just two days from my due date and there’s still no sign of baby.
Well, we’re just two days from my due date and there’s still no sign of baby.
There was a point earlier in my pregnancy where I asked one of my friends who had recently had a baby if she felt lonely. I always have company with this baby inside of me. I feel the reassurance of his kicks and rolls and have taken comfort in his presence. I imagined life where he lived outside, in the real world, and imagined that I would feel so empty and hollow without him. “Just wait until the end,” she responded. And I didn’t really believe her. Well, she’s 100% right. Now I am so ready for this baby to get out. I’m ready to meet him, of course. But I’m also ready to have possession of my own body again and no longer be a vessel for the growth of this other human being. I’m done being his host. I’m ready to be his mama.
Waiting is the hardest part. I have been so comforted by those of you who have reached out to let me know how hard it was for you at this point and to remind me how close I am to the end. It really sucks to feel so ready for something to happen (actually, more like wanting something to be over) and having no power over when or how that will happen. I am not enjoying the frustration that comes along with this total loss of control…although I know that it’s warming us up for all of the times to come when we will have no control over our own lives. This baby is clearly teaching us a lesson in who is the boss. This will happen on his terms, not ours. And it turns out he might take after his dad more than his mama and already be operating on Caribbean time.
A couple of weeks ago, I rolled my eyes and laughed at the advice I received to enjoy this time, because as soon as he arrives my time will no longer be my own. As my discomfort has continuously increased and I’ve lost the ability to carry on my “normal life” activities, that just didn’t seem like a reasonable piece of advice to receive. But it actually hasn’t been so horrible. I’ve invented projects to distract myself and help the days pass by without feeling totally useless and disappointed. I’ve baked a pie and cookies. I’ve cooked meals for the freezer. I’ve sewn various diaper-changing-pee-trapping contraptions. I’ve cleaned all of the light switches and door knobs. I’ve taken naps with Mitzi (because sleeping through the night has been a thing of the past for quite some time now) and bought her a Pound Puppy toy that she carries around the house like it’s her baby. I’ve gone for prenatal massage. I’ve read an entire book from start to finish in the past week. We’ve been eating out at our favourite restaurants. And Navin created a betting board out of some of the cardboard that we had lying around from various nursery-related packages, so we’ve been crossing the days off of that calendar one by one and celebrating whatever milestones we can come up with as they pass.
While you might have enjoyed all of those pictures, I’m no dummy. I know what you really want to see. I have been getting a lot of requests for belly photos so here you go!
The 9 month photos were taken a full week ago so if it’s possible, both the baby and I are even bigger (and more uncomfortable) now.
Well, we’re just two days from my due date and there’s still no sign of baby. two days from my due date and there’s still no sign of baby. Everyone who has provided words of encouragement and checked in to see how we’re doing. We’re doing our best. To those who are wondering if the baby has arrived yet, he hasn’t. And I promise you’ll know when he has!