Regression & Progress
Lately I've been making a real effort to make time for myself and the things that fill my bucket.
Heading into 2018, I was feeling anxious about the coming transitions. It wasn't just the start of a new year, but January marked my return to teaching yoga again (baby in tow). I also needed to figure out how to get started on our large mosaic mural, due later this year. As a brand new mom with my first baby, I felt like I lost my sense of self and it took many, many months to claim that identity again. That just isn't an option with this babe. I want to be there for him and have special time together, but I can't drop everything else in my life to do that this time around.
To make matters more difficult, we seem to be experiencing the four month sleep regression early. Our baby, Ezra, who was previously sleeping for 3-4 hour stretches at night is now up practically every hour. And this has been going on for a couple of weeks already. So I'm thoroughly exhausted (as is my husband), and I need to take care of myself and feed my soul even more than usual to help balance that exhaustion out.
To build on the new year resolution mindset, the yoga studio where I teach is having a promotion based on sharing intentions and goals and tracking progress toward those goals. To help spread the word, I shared my own intention: to make space for myself while continuing to focus on those who need me.
As I taught my first yoga class at the beginning of the month, I felt like I was already making progress toward better balance. Returning to my practice and being around (and supporting) other mamas in the same boat as I am feels great. As I walked through the aisles of the stained glass warehouse later that week, and visited the art studio the week after to begin work on our big mosaic project, I am feeling better and better about my ability to make this all work.
Not everything is going as planned. In fact, everything has been a bit more challenging than I would have hoped. But it feels great to be making progress toward my intention of making space for myself again. And it feels wonderful to still be able to be there for the little people that need me while doing it.
In fact, I've also been making an effort to be a bit more available to my preschooler, Ari. Most of what he has heard from me in the past few months has either been "Shhh! You're being too loud!' or "Sorry, not right now. My hands are busy." It has felt great to spend some 1:1 time with him, whether that's been simply taking him for a haircut or baking banana muffins together.
So I think I will be a lot busier, and more tired, but also more fulfilled than I have been for the past few months. Here's hoping I start to get some sleep again too!