last day of work

Today was my official last day at work. I have said my goodbyes and handed in my laptop and badge.

I'm going to miss so many of the amazing people I was lucky enough to get to work with. (I will not miss the politics, stress or churn.) And while finally reaching this day is a huge relief, I've been so focused on the excitement of starting this next chapter that I haven't really put much thought into the fact that the start of a new chapter means the end the previous one.

As I walked into the office, I tried to force myself to realize that I wasn't going to be making that familiar walk next week or the weeks after that. While packing up my desk, I kept reminding myself that this was no longer going to be my space. I had some really special goodbye lunches, coffees and chats where I kept telling myself that I need to remember to make an effort to stay in touch with the people I care about because they will no longer be down the hall or an instant message away.

In the middle of an already emotional day, I received a call with some news about an insurance claim that I had been fighting since July. This is not only good news financially but more importantly it's a personal victory as this long drawn-out battle had at times made me doubt myself and the validity of my challenges. It was the best going away present to receive this reward for my perseverance. But how strange to hear back from them yesterday of all days when this had been going back and forth for more than 7 months and I hadn't heard from them since before I had decided to make this big change. Kind of a big coincidence. I know some of you will roll your eyes at me, but it gave me chills to think about a bigger force that might be at play. It felt like I had opened myself up to new possibilities, unblocked my positive energy, and now the universe is responding. Beyond the positive feelings I have and the encouragement and support I've been receiving from loved ones along the way (including beautiful purple tulips from my parents today), good things are already starting to happen to me now that I've gotten out of my own way.

I feel relieved. I feel excited. I feel hopeful. I feel scared. And I'm sure there will be many more feelings in the coming weeks as this continues to sink in. As I lie on the couch writing this, I actually feel like I'm sinking. I let out a big exhalation and feel my muscles unclench and my breath become deeper and slower. And in this exact moment as I lie here decompressing and reflecting, I have the best reminder of one of the joys I have to look forward to with this time off running in her sleep, right by my side.

I'm so grateful that a mentor of mine encouraged me to start this blog. It has already allowed me to share with so many of you the beginning of my journey. And I hope that it will help to keep me motivated to take advantage of this time and not become a lazy bum, because now I'm accountable to those readers who want to follow my journey or live vicariously through me. It's like keeping a log book when you dive; you use the log to record your location, date, equipment, conditions, company, and amazing underwater wildlife as a way to keep track of your experiences. I promise to keep track of the conditions of my "dives" and the amazing things I do and see along the way. Some could even call it a "BLog Book"...or a "Dive BLog"... (if you weren't rolling your eyes before, you definitely are now.)

I've shared this quote with some of you before, but it so perfectly sums up how I feel right now on this day of both endings and beginnings, that I had to include it in this post:

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." - Gilda Radner

This week a lot of people have asked me, "what are you going to do on Monday?" And the truth is, I have no idea...

Well, ambiguity, here I come!

PS - does anyone have an over/under going yet on when I will run out of diving analogies?