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  • Writer's pictureElana

Anniversary Alone

As of today, Navin and I have been married for four years.

And even though I flipped through our album and watched (the short version of) our video, this anniversary is different. Navin isn’t here…

He’s in Hong Kong as one of several trips that he’s taking over the next month for work, and while I love that he’s getting the opportunity to see some amazing places, I don’t love that I am alone on our anniversary. Or that he had to miss my musical improv class showcase.

But there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. And today I do not feel lonely.

This past Saturday, before Navin flew out, we celebrated our anniversary by going out for dinner and then, having decided that we have lived in Seattle far too long to not have had a “Frasier” night, went to Benaroya Hall (where the Seattle Symphony plays) to see the Seattle Rep Jazz Orchestra. It all felt very Bill Cosby-esque and I was so glad we had a chance to celebrate before he left the next day.

But I was so sad at the thought of not having Navin at my improv show on Sunday to cheer me on. Living so far away from our family, Navin has done an excellent job of supporting me and representing everyone who can’t be here. Except this time he couldn’t be here either. Even though Navin’s face wasn’t in the audience smiling back at me, my heart nearly exploded when I looked out and saw how many of my friends came. It really shows that far away from our biological family, we’ve built a new kind of family for ourselves here in Seattle. Thank you so much to everyone who came and yelled out silly suggestions. You helped me to not feel lonely, and to feel loved and supported and happy.

Yesterday, when our anniversary actually began in Navin’s time zone, he sent me sweet wishes. And even though that meant that we had the longest anniversary ever, when I woke up this morning, alone in our bed, I dreaded what a lonely day it would be. It actually turned out to be a great day.

First of all, it’s hard to feel lonely with Mitzi around. Second of all, I went to a Zumba class and it’s very hard to feel sad (and frankly, not to burst out laughing) while you’re shaking your hips and shimmying your shoulders. I spent the afternoon working on a mosaic for my friend’s sweet baby, and then I went out for a lovely dinner with my friend Neima. (When I told Navin I was having our anniversary dinner with Neima, he said “well at least she’s brown and her name starts with the letter ‘N’!”) Thanks for dinner tonight, Neims! You helped me to not feel lonely, and to feel loved and supported and happy.

Even though Navin is so far away and our wedding feels so long ago, I loved looking through our album and watching our mini-video.

In the past four years, many things have changed: for example the country we live in, my jawline, my career and employment status, the age of that tiny little boy on our dance floor… but some things haven’t changed at all. I had to laugh when I watched the video at our grand entrance where we surprised everyone with a couple of microphones and a medley of our favourite songs and sang our hearts out (and wow, a good reminder that singing lessons have really paid off over the past couple of years!) Even then Navin supported my love of singing and indulged in my fantasy of singing at my own wedding. Little did I know that this was just a hint at the support and encouragement that I would get from him in the years to follow. Thanks for the last four years of marriage (and the last 8 years together), Navin. You have made me feel loved and supported and happy.

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